Bullying in our school system has reached epidemic levels. Statistics show that an average, one in four kids experience bullying on a regular basis. It is not a new phenomenon. Bullying has always existed and will continue to. However, in today's connected society of social media, there are even more opportunities for the harassment to continue, even once the child reaches the sanctuary of their home, through online, or "cyber-bullying".
What causes bullying?
We are social creatures. Part of the process of social development is learning how to interact with others. As they are developing, children are often testing their boundaries. It is a natural part of the socialization process. At a young age, kids may not fully be able to cognitively understand what is appropriate in social interaction with others. As they have not yet fully developed the capacity for empathy, children may not yet understand how their words and actions can affect others, so they may exhibit behaviors that are inappropriate or hurtful to their peers. Bullying behavior usually comes from a lack of confidence, exactly the same trait that can cause someone to become a victim of bullying. They are two different manifestations of the same exact characteristic! The bully will use verbal insults and harassment of those who they perceive as weaker and easy targets, in order to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy. It becomes a way of trying to make themselves feel better by belittling others. In many cases, the bully has learned this behavior because they themselves have been bullied. So, it becomes a vicious cycle of trying to gain power through intimidation. Bullying behavior is a cry for help!
School Policy
In an attempt to try to deal with the bullying epidemic and to prevent fights from taking place, most schools in the U.S. have established very strict "zero-tolerance" policies with regards to fighting. This means that anyone involved in a physical altercation, regardless of who started the fight or who was the aggressor, will have disciplinary consequences, often including suspension from school. While the intent of this policy is good, the fact is that it creates a situation where, by policy, the school campus is the only place in the country where you don't have the right to defend yourself! The fact is, the right of self-defense is an inherent fundamental human right, and supersedes any school policy. It is very important for students to understand, and parents to support this! While we obviously want our kids to avoid fighting at all costs, there are times where the use of physical force is necessary for them to protect themselves. Not only do they have a right to defend themselves, they have an obligation! This does not mean that your child may not have to deal with some disciplinary action from the school, should they have no choice but to be involved in a fight. However, the consequence of doing nothing is far worse. The reality is, if your child is physically attacked, even if they don't fight back, they will likely still be in trouble anyway, because they were still involved in a fight. It is much better for them to protect themselves and deal with whatever consequences may come their way. As parents, we need to support and advocate for their right to self defense! If they follow the steps of the Bulleyproof system correctly however, it is very likely they will be able to avoid the fight altogether. And, if they do have to physically defend themselves, the disciplinary consequences are likely to be much less severe, as the intent is always to protect themselves with minimal force, without trying to cause injury to the bully.
Give Them the Tools
It is very common to hear parents say that they expect their kid to stand up for themselves. Many parents will tell this to their child, and give them the expectation that they should confront the bully, even in a physical capacity if necessary. While this mindset is correct, it is only part of the equation. If you don't also equip your child with the tools to actually know how to physically protect themselves, and the confidence to do so, they will likely not be effective. The absolute best method for giving your child the capacity to physically defend themselves is to get them enrolled in a reputable Gracie Jiu-jitsu academy, which focuses on self-defense!
Why Jiu-jitsu?
Why is Jiu-jitsu the best solution? Jiu-jitsu has a reputation for being one of the most effective martial arts in the world for realistic self-defense. A big part of this is because of the training methodology, which includes "live" training or sparring with resistance. Students become comfortable encountering physical resistance from their training partners, so it gives them a much more realistic expectation of what they are actually capable of, and the are less likely to panic in the heat of a realistic situation. Also, because Jiu-jitsu focuses on the use of positional control and leverage based techniques rather than on brute force, it gives the smaller person the best opportunity to be effective in defending themselves against a larger, stronger adversary. Anyone can learn the techniques of Jiu-jitsu, and with consistent practice, can learn to technically overcome a significant size or strength disparity. In addition, with Jiu-jitsu being a grappling based art, students learn to control their opponent with minimal force, without having to injure them.
Imagine a scenario where your kid gets into a fight with a bully at school. Let's say that they are able to successfully fight off the bully by hitting them in the face with a good elbow strike. Even if the technique is executed perfectly and effectively stops the bully, when the teacher shows up to break up the fight, the bully is the one laying on the ground, bleeding from the nose. Even if your kid was in the right to defend themself, it doesn't look good. However, if your child is able to simply take the bully down, get on top and use their body weight to simply control and subdue them without causing any injury, while keeping themselves safe, it is a much better situation for everyone involved. This is the power that Jiu-jitsu creates. Jiu-jitsu is the "Gentle Art"
What's the Solution?
The reality is, the phenomenon of bullying isn't going away. The ONLY solution then, is to teach our kids how to effectively deal with the problem. That means learning to stand up for themselves, both verbally, and if necessary, physically. Teachers can intervene, but unfortunately, they can't be everywhere, all the time. Often, the bullies know how to play the system, and will behave like perfect angels when teachers or other adults are present, but will continue to harass their victims relentlessly when there are no other adult role models around. The only person who can actually put an end to the bullying then, is the victim themselves! Kids need a systemic and structured approach for dealing with bullying, and that is exactly what the Bullyproof system is designed to give them. The details of that system will be addressed in Part 2.
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