In many Jiu-jitsu academies throughout the world, you will often hear members refer to their academy and teammates as their mat "family". There is a lot of truth to this sentiment. Spending hours on the mat together with our training partners sweating, sometimes bleeding, and pushing on each other to get better can very quickly develop strong bonds that can last a lifetime! These social relationships that we develop on the mat are extremely important for our longevity in an art as difficult as Jiu-jitsu. Often it is the support and encouragement that we receive from our teammates that keeps us coming back during the tough days, when we're dealing with frustration, confusion, injuries, or plateaus. The social structure of Jiu-jitsu is often the glue that holds us together, even when we want to quit, and truly does create these type of familial bonds.
The truth is EVERYONE who joins an academy has the opportunity to become part of the "family"....but not all will. It is everyone's responsibility to help make everyone else feel at home and comfortable on the mat, particularly the newer students. Walking through the doors of a Jiu-jitsu academy can be very intimidating. So it is incumbent on the more experienced students to help the new students adapt to this environment. But, ultimately, it is up to the individual student whether they choose to be part of the family. The relationships you develop with your instructors and teammates inside the academy are very much determined by your own attitude. And, contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be an experienced student or an upper belt. Of course there is always a "feeling out" process in every social relationship, but it really takes a very short time to become part of the inner circle of the academy. For the most part, all you have to do is be open to it. If you're a little bit on the introverted side, don't worry. Everyone in the academy is there to help you succeed, and really wants you to become part of the family. It doesn't mean you have to try to change your personality, but a big part of Jiu-jitsu training is learning to push past your comfort zone. I can't speak for every team or academy, but all it really takes is to show up consistently, have good mat etiquette and follow the rules, trust in the process, have a humble and respectful attitude, and do your best to try to help yourself, your teammates, and the academy. Take ownership of YOUR academy and treat it as such. It is a mutually beneficial relationship. You get out of the experience what you put into it. Of course, if you just treat the academy as some type of gym membership, and have the attitude that you just show up to train and come and go as you please, you will likely miss out on the many benefits of being part of that inner family circle. But, if instead, you adopt the attitude, much like the famous JFK quote, "Ask not what your academy/team can do for you, ask what you can do for your academy", the benefits will come back to you many times over. When you invest personally in the growth and development of your academy and your teammates, you are really investing in yourself! If your goals are in line with the culture of the academy, you will thrive. If they are not, you may need to reassess why you're training, and make sure that you are at the academy that is right for you.
Loyalty is a word that gets thrown around a lot in the Jiu-jitsu community. And it is often a very controversial and loaded concept. Loyalty is very important, but I think that it is often misunderstood. Loyalty is a two-way street. You shouldn't have blind loyalty to your academy, your instructor, or your team because it is demanded of you. You have loyalty because you want to. True loyalty is easy, because it is based upon mutual respect and gratitude. You are loyal because you are family, and families are supposed to take care of each other! Like any family, problems will sometimes arise, and there may be disagreements. It doesn't mean that you will necessarily always see eye to eye on everything. But, it does mean that you care enough about each other to honestly communicate, try to help each other out, and help to hold each other accountable.
There is a common term in Jiu-jitsu circles, called "creonte" in Portuguese. Roughly translated, it means "traitor". This negative term, generally credited to have been coined by Carlson Gracie Sr., is based upon a character in a Brazilian soap opera who was disloyal. Some have the mentality that once you belong to a team, you're part of that team, no matter what, and there is never a good reason to leave or go to another team. It is easy to understand this mindset is developed. As an instructor or teammate, if you have personally invested a lot of time and energy in a student, and they leave, it is easy to take it personally, and it can make you not want to invest that same effort in the next student until they have "proved" their loyalty. However, I don't agree with this mentality. I don't believe that this is a positive type of relationship. You should have a mutually beneficial relationship with your academy/instructor.
Sometimes, there are legitimate reasons to leave a particular instructor or academy, or to change teams. People move, people's life circumstances change. It may turn out that that academy is not a good fit for you, or you are not a good fit for the team. However, when you run into the guy who is a 12 year blue belt, because they have changed teams as often as they change their underwear, that is also a problem. No reputable academy is going to just throw a belt on someone, regardless of skill level, until they get to know that person. I can say that, as far as our team, your technical ability is extremely important, particularly as you get into the upper ranks. However, equally, if not more important is your personal character. And it takes time, often years, to really get to know someone's character. Find an academy that fits with your own personal goals, and put down some roots. Make it your home, and you will quickly become part of the family. Be loyal to your academy and your team, not because it is forced upon you, but because you want to!
This leads me to another controversial topic that sometimes comes up, which is training outside of your academy or team. Maybe you have a friend training at another academy in town, or the location or schedule is more convenient on certain days. Maybe it is even just training with some other people who may or may not be part of your academy, on your own, outside of regular training times. This is not an easy topic, but I will give you my opinion on it. Ultimately, it comes down to loyalty and how much you value your relationship with your team and instructor. There is certainly value in seeing Jiu-jitsu from other perspectives. No one has all the answers. There are times that you may find yourself training with people from another team or academy occasionally. Jiu-jitsu students should not be like a motorcycle gang, blindly fighting for the patch on their back! There are other great people in Jiu-jitsu who may train in other academies, and it is good to develop positive relationships with likeminded people within the Jiu-jitsu community.
Going to seminars or training at another academy while traveling out of town can be great ways to meet and interact with other people outside of your team in the Jiu-jitsu community, and get to train with people that you don't see on a regular basis. It will often give you a different perspective on Jiu-jitsu. They can be very valuable resources of information as well. But, there is a right and wrong way to go about it. I have always encouraged my students to take their gi with them if they are traveling, and try to drop in to visit another academy when out of town. I have frequently encouraged my students to attend seminars with other instructors. For me personally, it has generally led me to appreciate the people and the training environment that I have even more, and to be grateful for my own team and instructor. In any case, if you plan to attend a seminar or visit another academy, the best course of action is to give your instructor the courtesy of speaking to them first. They may be able to point you in the right direction of a good seminar or good academy to visit, and often may have personal relationships with other instructors that can be beneficial to you.
Training while you are traveling out of town and can't train with your own team is one thing. Training at another local academy can be tricky. Sometimes there may be a structured open mat event, or maybe the entire team will get together with another team for a special inter-team training day. This is the best way. But for individual students, particularly without the knowledge and consent of their instructor, to just go and train at another academy in the area can be a potential problem. Showing up in pictures on social media randomly training with another team can leave a bad taste in the mouth of your instructor and teammates. Some may make the argument that you pay your tuition, and it is nothing more than a business transaction, and that you should have the right to go and train anywhere that you please. And yes, you do "have the right", but that doesn't make it the "right thing to do". Of course, everyone has free will, but keep in mind there are always consequences to your choices.
For many instructors, this type of thing can bring into question your loyalty to the team, and could potentially lead them to dismiss you from the program entirely. But even if that isn't the case, it doesn't go unnoticed. You are, by your actions, potentially putting a strain on the relationship with your entire team, and, even if you remain at the academy, you can quickly find yourself outside of that inner family "circle of trust". Again, if you look at your membership to your Jiu-jitsu academy like you do a Gold's Gym, you will likely get similar treatment. If you are the guy (or girl) who wants to just bounce around and train everywhere, and never really commit to any academy or program, don't be surprised when you're still that blue belt 10 years later. Some academies may allow you to train with them, but you will always be treated as a "visitor" and not as family. The instructor is not likely to make the extra effort and put in the extra time for someone who is openly choosing to train at what could be one of their direct competitors. If your loyalty is in question with your instructor, you are not likely to go far with that team.
I have had students in the past inquire occasionally about going to visit at another academy. I will never tell anyone that they can't train somewhere else. That is not my place. For an instructor to "forbid" you from training elsewhere is a sign of insecurity. However, I will inquire about "why" you may feel the need to train somewhere else, what you seek to gain from it, and warn of some of the potential pitfalls. Personally, I want you to be exposed to as much Jiu-jitsu as you can, and I have enough confidence in our program that I'm not worried about you leaving the team to go somewhere else. If you decide another academy is a better fit for you, for whatever reason, it is probably best for both of us that you go that direction. Whether a student ultimately decides to follow through on going to train somewhere else after our conversation, I do always appreciate that they came to me to ask first. If you feel that there is a valid reason that you need to go (on occasion) to train somewhere other than your home mat, have a conversation with your instructor.
Another thing to consider, whenever you are visiting another academy, or training with people outside of your team, is that they also are not necessarily invested in you, like your own teammates are! If you are training in a good environment, your training partners should be just as interested in your success as their own. Each person on the team has the job of trying to help their teammates to learn and become better, so that they in turn become even better training partners. This means, not only helping each other to learn in a spirit of cooperation, but looking out for each other's well-being on the mat. Your teammates should be taking care of you and (hopefully) are not going to be cranking on your arm without giving you adequate opportunity to tap out. Because they realize that if they injure you, that is one less training partner available for them to work with. However, you may not get this type of treatment in an unfamiliar environment outside of the team, and in some cases, could even encounter an atmosphere of hostility. So proceed with caution.
One final issue along these lines that can be problematic is that of training with your teammates outside of the academy. Everyone has their favorite training partners that they really enjoy working with in class. That is natural. The problem is when "cliques" start to develop within the team....certain people ONLY want to work with other people all the time. Often this can happen in the intermediate ranks, as people start to develop their own styles and personalities on the mat. There is nothing wrong with getting some extra drilling or training with some of your training partners outside of normal class times, as long as your instructor approves it. It does become a problem however, when gradually, you start showing up to the academy less, stop attending regular classes less, and start to become the guy who just shows up for open mat, or just wants to roll. You would rather just train on your own with a couple of your teammates outside of the academy, or outside of normal class times, and essentially begin running your own "academy" with your instructors students, and without the benefit of their guidance and direction. I don't think any instructor will mind their students getting in "extra" training, as long as they do it the right way....but make sure you're still showing up regularly and doing your part to be part of the team as a whole.
Sometimes, there is good reason for an instructor not to allow this type of training outside of structured classes. For example, in our academy, we require that new students attend a certain number of Fundamentals classes before they begin to participate in live sparring. This is for good reason. Without having at least a basic understanding of positions and techniques, new students inevitably rely on physicality, and end up going too fast, using too much strength and power, in unfamiliar positions and ultimately, in many cases may end up getting injured. As just one example, I had a student a while back who was very new to Jiu-jitsu and had only attended a handful of classes. Like many students, they wanted to "test out" their Jiu-jitsu and, despite being warned against it, insisted on getting involved with sparring at 100% intensity, with people outside of the team who, themselves, had a very limited amount of training. Long story short, they ended up getting caught in an armbar and breaking their arm, and they no longer train Jiu-jitsu. Don't be like the typical teenager who "knows better" than their parents, and pushes back despite their well-intended guidance. Trust your instructor, they have your well-being at heart!
Ultimately, YOU are important to your team. Every individual on the mat, whether they are a complete beginner, or an experienced student, has a role to play. If you are not in class, either because you just didn't show up, or because you chose to train elsewhere, the whole team misses out on the opportunity to benefit from training with you. Everyone has something to add to the group, and the more training partners we all have, the more the team benefits. If you are new, and you're not sure exactly where you fit in yet, that is ok. Just keep showing up. Choose to be an active part of helping your team to grow stronger and more unified, and you will likely develop some of the best, longest lasting friendships, and reap great benefits from being part of your mat family!
