Loyalty, Family, & Training Outside of Your Academy

In many Jiu-jitsu academies throughout the world, you will often hear members refer to their academy and teammates as their mat "family".  There is a lot of truth to this sentiment.  Spending hours on the mat together with our training partners sweating, sometimes bleeding, and pushing on each other to get better can very quickly develop strong bonds that can last a lifetime!  These social relationships that we develop on the mat are extremely important for our longevity in an art as difficult as Jiu-jitsu.  Often it is the support and encouragement that we receive from our teammates that keeps us coming back during the tough days, when we're dealing with frustration, confusion, injuries, or plateaus.  The social structure of Jiu-jitsu is often the glue that holds us together, even when we want to quit, and truly does create these type of familial bonds.  

The truth is EVERYONE who joins an academy has the opportunity to become part of the "family"....but not all will.  It is everyone's responsibility to help make everyone else feel at home and comfortable on the mat, particularly the newer students.  Walking through the doors of a Jiu-jitsu academy can be very intimidating.  So it is incumbent on the more experienced students to help the new students adapt to this environment.  But, ultimately, it is up to the individual student whether they choose to be part of the family.  The relationships you develop with your instructors and teammates inside the academy are very much determined by your own attitude.  And, contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be an experienced student or an upper belt.  Of course there is always a "feeling out" process in every social relationship, but it really takes a very short time to become part of the inner circle of the academy.  For the most part, all you have to do is be open to it.  If you're a little bit on the introverted side, don't worry.  Everyone in the academy is there to help you succeed, and really wants you to become part of the family. It doesn't mean you have to try to change your personality, but a big part of Jiu-jitsu training is learning to  push past your comfort zone.  I can't speak for every team or academy, but all it really takes is to show up consistently, have good mat etiquette and follow the rules, trust in the process, have a humble and respectful attitude, and do your best to try to help yourself, your teammates, and the academy.  Take ownership of YOUR academy and treat it as such.  It is a mutually beneficial relationship.  You get out of the experience what you put into it.  Of course, if you just treat the academy as some type of gym membership, and have the attitude that you just show up to train and come and go as you please, you will likely miss out on the many benefits of being part of that inner family circle.  But, if instead, you adopt the attitude, much like the famous JFK quote, "Ask not what your academy/team can do for you, ask what you can do for your academy", the benefits will come back to you many times over.  When you invest personally in the growth and development of your academy and your teammates, you are really investing in yourself! If your goals are in line with the culture of the academy, you will thrive.  If they are not, you may need to reassess why you're training, and make sure that you are at the academy that is right for you.

Loyalty is a word that gets thrown around a lot in the Jiu-jitsu community.  And it is often a very controversial and loaded concept.  Loyalty is very important, but I think that it is often misunderstood.  Loyalty is a two-way street.  You shouldn't have blind loyalty to your academy, your instructor, or your team because it is demanded of you.  You have loyalty because you want to.  True loyalty is easy, because it is based upon mutual respect and gratitude.  You are loyal because you are family, and families are supposed to take care of each other!  Like any family, problems will sometimes arise, and there may be disagreements.  It doesn't mean that you will necessarily always see eye to eye on everything.  But, it does mean that you care enough about each other to honestly communicate, try to help each other out, and help to hold each other accountable.  

There is a common term in Jiu-jitsu circles, called "creonte" in Portuguese.  Roughly translated, it means "traitor". This negative term, generally credited to have been coined by Carlson Gracie Sr., is based upon a character in a Brazilian soap opera who was disloyal.  Some have the mentality that once you belong to a team, you're part of that team, no matter what, and there is never a good reason to leave or go to another team.  It is easy to understand this mindset is developed.  As an instructor or teammate, if you have personally invested a lot of time and energy in a student, and they leave, it is easy to take it personally, and it can make you not want to invest that same effort in the next student until they have "proved" their loyalty.  However, I don't agree with this mentality. I don't believe that this is a positive type of relationship.  You should have a mutually beneficial relationship with your academy/instructor.  

Sometimes, there are legitimate reasons to leave a particular instructor or academy, or to change teams.   People move, people's life circumstances change.  It may turn out that that academy is not a good fit for you, or you are not a good fit for the team.  However, when you run into the guy who is a 12 year blue belt, because they have changed teams as often as they change their underwear, that is also a problem.  No reputable academy is going to just throw a belt on someone, regardless of skill level, until they get to know that person.  I can say that, as far as our team, your technical ability is extremely important, particularly as you get into the upper ranks.  However, equally, if not more important is your personal character.  And it takes time, often years, to really get to know someone's character.  Find an academy that fits with your own personal goals, and put down some roots.  Make it your home, and you will quickly become part of the family. Be loyal to your academy and your team, not because it is forced upon you, but because you want to!

This leads me to another controversial topic that sometimes comes up, which is training outside of your academy or team.  Maybe you have a friend training at another academy in town, or the location or schedule is more convenient on certain days.  Maybe it is even just training with some other people who may or may not be part of your academy, on your own, outside of regular training times.  This is not an easy topic, but I will give you my opinion on it. Ultimately, it comes down to loyalty and how much you value your relationship with your team and instructor.  There is certainly value in seeing Jiu-jitsu from other perspectives.  No one has all the answers.  There are times that you may find yourself training with people from another team or academy occasionally.  Jiu-jitsu students should not be like a motorcycle gang, blindly fighting for the patch on their back!  There are other great people in Jiu-jitsu who may train in other academies, and it is good to develop positive relationships with likeminded people within the Jiu-jitsu community.  

Going to seminars or training at another academy while traveling out of town can be great ways to meet and interact with other people outside of your team in the Jiu-jitsu community, and get to train with people that you don't see on a regular basis.  It will often give you a different perspective on Jiu-jitsu.  They can be very valuable resources of information as well.  But,  there is a right and wrong way to go about it.   I have always encouraged my students to take their gi with them if they are traveling, and try to drop in to visit another academy when out of town.   I have frequently encouraged my students to attend seminars with other instructors.  For me personally, it has generally led me to appreciate the people and the training environment that I have even more, and to be grateful for my own team and instructor.   In any case, if you plan to attend a seminar or visit another academy, the best course of action is to  give your instructor  the courtesy of speaking to them first.  They may be able to point you in the right direction of a good seminar or good academy to visit, and often may have personal relationships with other instructors that can be beneficial to you.  

Training while you are traveling out of town and can't train with your own team is one thing.  Training at another local academy can be tricky.  Sometimes there may be a structured open mat event, or maybe the entire team will get together with another team for a special inter-team training day.  This is the best way.  But for individual students, particularly without the knowledge and consent of their instructor, to just go  and train at another academy in the area can be a potential problem.  Showing up in pictures on social media randomly training with another team can leave a bad taste in the mouth of your instructor and teammates.  Some may make the argument that you pay your tuition, and it is nothing more than a business transaction, and that you should have the right to go and train anywhere that you please.  And yes, you do "have the right", but that doesn't make it the "right thing to do".  Of course, everyone has free will, but keep in mind there are always consequences to your choices.  

For many instructors, this type of thing can bring into question your loyalty to the team, and could potentially lead them to dismiss you from the program entirely.  But even if that isn't the case, it doesn't go unnoticed.  You are, by your actions, potentially putting a strain on the relationship with your entire team, and, even if you remain at the academy, you can quickly find yourself outside of that inner family "circle of trust".  Again, if you look at your membership to your Jiu-jitsu academy like you do a Gold's Gym, you will likely get similar treatment. If you are the guy (or girl) who wants to just bounce around and train everywhere, and never really commit to any academy or program, don't be surprised when you're still that blue belt 10 years later.  Some academies may allow you to train with them, but you will always be treated as a "visitor" and not as family.  The instructor is not likely to make the extra effort and put in the extra time for someone who is openly choosing to train at what could be one of their direct competitors.  If your loyalty is in question with your instructor, you are not likely to go far with that team.  

I have had students in the past inquire occasionally about going to visit at another academy.  I will never tell anyone that they can't train somewhere else.  That is not my place.  For an instructor to "forbid" you from training elsewhere is a sign of insecurity.  However, I will inquire about "why" you may feel the need to train somewhere else, what you seek to gain from it, and warn of some of the potential pitfalls.  Personally, I want you to be exposed to as much Jiu-jitsu as you can, and I have enough confidence in our program that I'm not worried about you leaving the team to go somewhere else.  If you decide another academy is a better fit for you, for whatever reason, it is probably best for both of us that you go that direction.  Whether a student ultimately decides to follow through on going to train somewhere else after our conversation, I do always appreciate that they came to me to ask first.  If you feel that there is a valid reason that you need to go (on occasion) to train somewhere other than your home mat, have a conversation with your instructor. 

Another thing to consider, whenever you are visiting another academy, or training with people outside of your team, is that they also are not necessarily invested in you, like your own teammates are!  If you are training in a good environment, your training partners should be just as interested in your success as their own.  Each person on the team has the job of trying to help their teammates to learn and become better, so that they in turn become even better training partners.  This means, not only helping each other to learn in a spirit of cooperation, but looking out for each other's well-being on the mat.  Your teammates should be taking care of you and  (hopefully) are not going to be cranking on your arm without giving you adequate opportunity to tap out.  Because they realize that if they injure you, that is one less training partner available for them to work with.  However, you may not get this type of treatment in an unfamiliar environment outside of the team, and in some cases, could even encounter an atmosphere of hostility.  So proceed with caution.

One final issue along these lines that can be problematic is that of training with your teammates outside of the academy.  Everyone has their favorite training partners that they really enjoy working with in class.  That is natural.  The problem is when "cliques" start to develop within the team....certain people ONLY want to work with other people all the time.  Often this can happen in the intermediate ranks, as people start to develop their own styles and personalities on the mat.  There is nothing wrong with getting some extra drilling or training with some of your training partners outside of normal class times, as long as your instructor approves it.  It does become a problem however, when gradually, you start showing up to the academy less, stop attending regular classes less, and start to become the guy who just shows up for open mat, or just wants to roll.  You would rather just train on your own with a couple of your teammates outside of the academy, or outside of normal class times, and essentially begin running your own "academy" with your instructors students, and without the benefit of their guidance and direction.  I don't think any instructor will mind their students getting in "extra" training, as long as they do it the right way....but make sure you're still showing up regularly and doing your part to be part of the team as a whole.  

Sometimes, there is good reason for an instructor not to allow this type of training outside of structured classes.  For example, in our academy, we require that new students attend a certain number of Fundamentals classes before they begin to participate in live sparring.  This is for good reason.  Without having at least a basic understanding of positions and techniques, new students inevitably rely on physicality, and end up going too fast, using too much strength and power, in unfamiliar positions and ultimately, in many cases may end up getting injured.  As just one example, I had a student a while back who was very new to Jiu-jitsu and had only attended a handful of classes.  Like many students, they wanted to "test out" their Jiu-jitsu and, despite being warned against it, insisted on getting involved with sparring at 100% intensity, with people outside of the team who, themselves, had a very limited amount of training.  Long story short, they ended up getting caught in an armbar and breaking their arm, and they no longer train Jiu-jitsu.  Don't be like the typical teenager who "knows better" than their parents, and pushes back despite their well-intended guidance.  Trust your instructor, they have your well-being at heart!  

Ultimately, YOU are important to your team.  Every individual on the mat, whether they are a complete beginner, or an experienced student, has a role to play. If you are not in class, either because you just didn't show up, or because you chose to train elsewhere, the whole team misses out on the opportunity to benefit from training with you.  Everyone has something to add to the group, and the more training partners we all have, the more the team benefits.  If you are new, and you're not sure exactly where you fit in yet, that is ok.  Just keep showing up.  Choose to be an active part of helping your team to grow stronger and more unified,  and you will likely develop some of the best, longest lasting friendships, and reap great benefits from being part of your mat family!

How to Be a Good Training Partner-Are You Helping or Hurting?

Learning Jiu-jitsu can't be done in a vacuum.  It is not an activity that you can pursue with any degree of success alone.  You must have willing training partners in order to learn the art.  Those who have been on the mat for some time most likely can tell you about some of their most memorable training partners over the years (both good and bad).  Your training partners can have just as much, if not more, direct influence over your training as the instructor (both good and bad).  I still have fond memories of one of my early training partners & mentors, that I heard from just recently again, "Pilot" Mike.  Mike was one of the main people that helped me along the way when I was a white belt.  He was a purple belt.  We called him "Pilot" Mike, because he was a commercial airline pilot (he's retired now I believe).  While he absolutely destroyed me on the mat, he was one of the nicest, friendliest guys you'll ever meet.  He took me under his wing, and mentored me....helped me to learn to speak the language of Jiu-jitsu.  We spent many hours sitting on the mat after class just talking about Jiu-jitsu.  He would give me advice based on his experience, and helped guide me.  He really seemed genuinely concerned about my welfare & progress.  And I remember, the one thing he always said, was "Just don't quit.  Keep showing up!"  Well, I did....now I'm a black belt.  Mike is still a purple belt.  He had some unfortunate life circumstances that took him off the mat.  But I still look up to him for the influence that he had on my early development in Jiu-jitsu.  So, how can you make sure that you're one of the good training partners?

The first step is to show up.  It's hard to help someone if you're not on the mat.  Especially the "upper belts", lead by example.  The best leaders are the best followers.  Show up consistently, on time.  Don't skip the warm ups.  Don't skip fundamentals classes because you're "too advanced" or you "already know" the basics.  Be the example that you want the white belts to mimic when they are in your shoes one day!

Remember what it was like when you were a white belt.  Jiu-jitsu is hard, and the mat can be intimidating.  Help the newer students to feel comfortable and at home on the mat.    Don't ignore the white belts.  The only difference between the upper belts and the white belts are that the upper belts started first.  We're all on the same path!  Take a new white belt under your wing, and make it your mission to make them love Jiu-jitsu as much as you do.  Help them, guide them, check up on them.  That new white belt may turn into one of your best and toughest training partners one day!  Don't ever think that you're "too good" or "too advanced" to get anything out of working with the newer students.  I promise you, it will benefit BOTH of you!

Help the white belts....but, don't overwhelm them.  As my instructor, Steve Hall says often, "don't cheat them out of the white belt experience!"  After you have been on the mat for a while, it is easy to lose perspective.  We forget how much we struggled with things that seem very simple and rudimentary now.  White belts need a basic understanding.  It is not fair to expect them to comprehend things at the level that you do as an upper belt, so don't try.  You will only serve to confuse and frustrate them.  Jiu-jitsu is a long journey, and there is plenty of time to refine the fine details of the techniques.  At white belt, we just want to pass along the big picture.  Newer students don't need a lot of theory.  They need repetitions.  Help them to understand the basic mechanics of how to do the move, and then just let them practice it-over, and over, and over.

It is easy to over-teach a move to a newer student.  This is a common syndrome amongst many upper belts.  And, it comes from a good place.  After all, you are trying to help them.  But, what you may not realize is, despite your best efforts, you may actually be doing more damage than helping.  Just guide them to get the big picture, don't give too much advise or correction, and keep it very basic.  It is easy to fall into the trap of wanting to demonstrate the more advanced variation or counter.  Don't do that!!  Keep it simple, just rep the move slowly and smoothly, as close to the way the instructor showed it as you can, and let them follow your lead.  When you are paired up during class with a newer student for drilling, the upper rank should always do the move first.   This give the newer student an opportunity to watch the move demonstrated again as you do it (hopefully mostly correct). Then, let them do it and repeat it multiple times.  Ideally, at least 5 reps each or more before you switch.  Avoid the temptation to correct minor errors, or give advice.  You will find that a lot of that gets figured out naturally through repetition.  Just rep.  There really should be very little talking going on while drilling a move.  Keep moving and keep repping it out as much as you can during the time allotted.

Avoid the temptation to re-teach the move.  Often, upper belts will re-explain what the instructor just spent the last few minutes explaining to the whole class.  This confuses the newer students, and wastes valuable drilling time.  Let the instructor show the move, then grab your partner and start repping it out.  You can answer questions briefly as they arise, but don't spend the entire time allotted talking about the move.  Just do it!

Focus on the move being shown in class.  Please don't be the person that does that move the instructor shows once or twice, and then takes off on your own variations or counters to the move, or start drilling the latest move you saw on YouTube because you think it is cool and you already "know" this "basic" move.  If the instructor is showing it to the class, there is a reason for it.  Focus on what is being shown.  Work on your more advanced variations during your open mat time with your more advanced training partners.  Don't confuse the white belts with it!

Don't give too much resistance too quickly!  This one should be obvious, but unfortunately it still has to be said.  Yes, you may know how to counter the move being shown.  However, if you give resistance and counter the new move that your partner is trying to apply, all you're doing is robbing them of their confidence to attempt the move.  If they feel that it won't work, they will not attempt to apply it....and then, yes, it won't work.  Because they haven't put the time into it to learn the details, timing, and sensitivity that make it work.  In fact, I will go a step further....in the beginning, especially with newer students, you have to not only not give resistance, you have to help them do the move.  Use your own movement to guide them.  It is your job to not let them fail!  Once they start to understand how to go through the motions of the technique, you can help them a little less, and a little less, until they are doing it for themselves.  Think of it like teaching a kid to ride a bike.  You have to hold them up and help them keep their balance, until they get the feel for it.  And gradually, you let them go on their own.  If you just let go right away and they fall, they're not going to want to get back on the bike!  Once a student know a move well, only then, can you gradually start to increase resistance, until they are able to do it well enough on their own that they can overcome that resistance.  Live training with resisting opponents is extremely important, but imparting too much resistance too soon is a recipe for disaster.  Don't do it!

Don't fake your way through it.  You may only be a blue or purple belt, but the newer students still expect you to be able to answer all of their questions.  Recognize what you do not know, and don't fake it!  If you don't know the answer, refer it up to one of the people with more experience than you, or the instructor.  You may end up very confidently teaching someone something wrong.  Rather, help where you can, and admit what you don't know.  Nobody knows everything.  It will give BOTH of you the opportunity to learn more.

Most of us that make it into the upper ranks in Jiu-jitsu are very excited to help those coming up behind us.  We see the potential in the new white belts, and recognize that you were once where they are.  We know how valuable and rewarding training can be.  So we naturally want to help mentor and guide the newer students.  My opinion is, the best way to do this is to simply be the example for how you want them to be.  Help them, but don't overwhelm them.  Understand that they don't have your experience or perspective yet, don't try to force it on them.  The process is important, let them experience it in their own way, and just provide support.  Remember, if you are one of the upper ranks, you are a leader to the less experienced students, whether you want to be or not.  They are watching you.  So, lead by example!

A Perspective of Gratitude & Loyalty

Well, it has certainly been an interesting couple of months.  Everything was going along as normal, and then suddenly & unexpectedly, the world was thrown into chaos by a global pandemic that shut down businesses (including my own), and forced all of us to be quarantined inside their homes and limit their contact with the outside world. For many, this caused fear and panic.  Our lives were turned upside down and the only thing that was certain was more uncertainty.  However, from the beginning of this crisis, I tried to look at it as an opportunity, and try to find the positive in all the chaos.  Now, as we finally start to get back to training and back to our normal lives, I try to look for the lessons that we can take away from this chaotic situation.  For me, the one overwhelming thing that keeps coming to my mind is gratitude.

This situation hit my business (and many others) hard.  We were forced, due to a situation completely out of our control, to close our doors.  I will admit, while I knew that we had a very strong core of amazing students, it was very concerning....to think of the possibility that everything I had worked hard for over the past 10 years could just be taken away due to something that I had no control over at all.  I asked for the patience, understanding, and support of our students.  Even in the face of the uncertainty of the situation, and with the economy of the whole country in trouble and many people out of work, the vast majority have stood by us.  Of course, we lost some people.  This was understandable, and expected.  However, I was overwhelmed by the many people who stepped up, who sent messages of support and just checked in to see how I was doing.  Some even offered to help pay other people's tuition who might not be able to afford it, and several offered to even help cover the rent/expenses of the academy!  And while I did not take them up on these offers, the support and generosity did not go un-noticed!  We have a very solid group of loyal students, who have done everything that they could during this time to support the academy, because they see the value in what we are creating together.  It would be easy to just leave.  To take this opportunity as a convenient excuse to quit.  But the vast majority of our students stayed strong.  This, to me speaks volumes about the quality of the people that we have on our mat, and the strength of our program.  I am very grateful to have the opportunity to pursue my passion of teaching Jiu-jitsu, and it wouldn't be possible without the support of all of our students and families.  And I have received many messages from our students expressing the same sentiment of gratitude for the program that we have built.  I really believe that the success of our program, is build upon creating a culture of respect and loyalty, built upon a mutual feeling of gratitude!  And I believe that it is because of this culture, that our academy has survived this crisis, where some others have not.

Sometimes, as the saying goes, you don't know what you've got, until it's gone.  It is easy to take things for granted.  This forced shutdown certainly gave me the opportunity to gain a new appreciation for what we do as a team, and the people that I am fortunate to have surrounding me and supporting it.  As much as the time away gave me the opportunity to focus on spending some quality time with my family, and getting some projects done that I wouldn't have had time to do otherwise, I truly missed my mat family.  I missed seeing everyone on a daily basis, training with everyone, laughing together and choking each other!  There really is nothing like it and no substitute.  I'm sure that many of you feel the same way.  Hopefully, this has given us all the insight to refocus and rededicate ourselves to training.  It is easy to fall into a pattern of complacency.  "Maybe I'll just take tonight off, I can go anytime...".  Well, this situation clearly shows you, things can be unexpectedly taken from you at a moments notice.  It should be a reminder to all of us to live for today, because nothing is guaranteed in this life.

I appreciate the loyalty that you have shown towards me and towards our team and academy throughout this challenging time.  I know it hasn't been easy to sit on the sidelines, unsure of what the future holds.  Loyalty is a big and often misconstrued topic in the martial arts world.  To me, it is a two way street.  I have loyalty towards my teachers, my students, and my team, not because it is demanded of me.  Rather, it is because I have such gratitude for what my teachers and my team have done for me, and the opportunity that my students afford me to do what I love for a living.  If we operate in an environment of mutual respect and loyalty for each other based upon gratitude, we are all better off for it, and we all grow together.  All of you guys are the reason that I have the privlidge to get on the mat and teach everyday.  This year marks the 10th year since we opened our doors.  The academy has evolved and grown tremendously during this time.  Many have come and gone.  But to those who have made the decision walk the path along with me, you will always have my loyalty as long as you want to be part of what we are doing together.  You become the core of what our program is about.  This academy is way more than just me.  I can't do it alone.  Each and everyone of you plays an important role, and I want you to know that I am grateful for you.  We're not completely out of the woods yet.  There's still a lot of work to do to get back to where we were before.  And  I still have bigger goals and more plans in the works beyond that, that I can't wait for all of you to be a part of.  We will continue to grow the team and become stronger together everyday.  I encourage you to keep doing your part, keep showing up, not just for the team, but more importantly for yourself.  Realize the value of your place on the mat, and really make this YOUR team!  It is amazing what we can accomplish together!!  I appreciate all of you!  Thank you!

Dealing with a Crisis

This is a unique & unprecedented time.  The current hysteria going on regarding the Coronavirus outbreak, whether justified or not, has certainly created a situation that has never been seen before in recent history, certainly not in my lifetime.  Besides the obvious concerns people may have over the illness itself, this pandemic and the subsequent response to it, has brought with it a host of other issues.  From schools, and business being shut down, people being laid off of work, bare shelves at grocery stores, concerns over the accompanying sharp economic downturn, and the general uncertainty about how to continue our daily lives in this new era of "social distancing".  It is, by any definition, a crisis.

I will be the first to admit, like many others, this situation has me concerned.  My livelihood is based around teaching Jiu-jitsu, which, by its very nature, involves close personal contact.  Based on the best information available, and following recommendations from medical experts and government officials, I was forced to make the very difficult decision to close the doors to my academy, something that I have poured my heart & soul into for the past 10 years of my life.  Even though, I anticipate it to be a temporary situation, it is still very scary and has the potential to have an enormous and direct impact on myself, my family, and my business.

While I wish I had some definitive answers, the nature of this situation makes it very uncertain for all of us.  However, I am a strong believer that life is not how you make it, but how you take it.  So, here's how I'm choosing to deal with this crisis.  We talk often about how Jiu-jitsu is just a template for life, and how the many lessons we learn on the mat can be applied outside to our daily lives.  This couldn't be any more true than now.  Right now, we've just been knocked down on our back, with someone on top controlling us, smashing us, and trying to choke us out.  Even though this particular situation is unique, Jiu-jitsu has taught me that I've been in tough spots before, I've survived, I've escaped, and I've overcome those situations.  Generations before us have dealt with similar hardships, and they've survived.

I'm choosing a measured response to this crisis, based on the principles of the 7-5-3 code:

"Awareness"-staying up to date with the latest information on the evolving situation, and take prudent and responsible measures to keep myself, my family, and my students safe & healthy;

"Emotional Balance"-not underestimating, not overreacting, maintaining a calm mental state, not panicking;

"Flow"-staying engaged, finding ways to continue my daily life, work, and activities

I'm choosing to maintain a positive mindset.  I truly believe that while situations like this certainly will test our mental fortitude, and while they are not fun at the time, they have the potential to make us stronger if we view them in the right perspective.  The Japanese Kanji (character) for the word "Crisis" is composed of two other characters....one for "danger", and one for "opportunity".  I am choosing to use this crisis as an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to find new and creative solutions to problems I didn't even know were a possibility a few weeks ago.

In recent days, I have seen our families, our communities, and our nation, starting to come together, and to help each other in our time of need.  I have seen recently so many social media posts from people in the community extending their help & support to each other, and have received countless personal messages of support and encouragement. I know that we will get through this-my family, my team, and my academy will get through this, and we will all come out stronger and better for it on the other side.  While this situation is admittedly a little scary and daunting to say the least, it has already forced me to change my approach and come up with new ideas, that I think, in the long run, will continue to benefit me and my students long after this current situation is over.

I encourage you all to stay strong, stay positive, and keep supporting each other.  This is a temporary situation and a learning experience, and this too shall pass!

Winning Thru Loosing

If you've stepped foot in a Jiu-jitsu academy, you've probably heard the commonly uttered phrase, "leave your ego at the door".  It is a truth that is much easier said than done.  The reality is, if there wasn't SOME ego involved, none of us would be doing this.  After all, the goal is to tap the other guy, right?  Yes....and no.  Ironically, sometimes our greatest opportunities for growth come through failure.  Nobody gets good at Jiu-jitsu without tapping...a lot!  The best guys on the mat are the ones who have failed the most, but have persevered through and used those failures as a learning experience.

Sometimes, the goal is to win.  But not always.  Tapping the person in front of you is a short term goal.  But Jiu-jitsu is a long-term process.  Sometimes, it is helpful to look at the big picture.  Over the course of many many years of training, any one sparring session is relatively insignificant.  We have to put it into the proper context as well.  Don't be the "academy champion".  If you want to compete and focus on winning, there are venues for that.  The academy is not the right place.  It is not healthy for anyone if we start to create an ultra competitive environment within the walls of the academy.  The training mat is a sacred space, that should be treated as a laboratory, where the practitioner can have the freedom to explore Jiu-jitsu, without the fear, anxiety, or pressure of "loosing".  You may have heard the common expression, "In Jiu-jitsu, either you win or you learn".  This is very true.

Accept that you are going to tap.  It is always ok to tap.  It is part of the social contract that we accept when we step on the mat, and how we ensure that we are taking care of ourselves and our training partners.  It is never ok to risk a potential injury in training just to avoid having to tap.  Yes, it may sting a little, it may bruise your ego a little....especially when that tap comes to someone who may hold a lower rank than you, or who you think you should be better than.  But guess what?  That little shot to your ego is actually good for you, and if you address it in the proper mindset, can actually be a catalyst for growth.

It is always ok to tap.  It is NOT ok to keep tapping repeatedly in the same situation without addressing it.  Use that tap as a learning tool.  Ask the questions.  Figure out where you went wrong, and strive to fix it so you don't get caught the same way in the future.  The tap just means that there was some little mistake that your opponent was able to capitalize on.  Be grateful that you have training partners that are capable of exposing your weaknesses on the training mat, so that you can fix them and not get caught when it really matters!  Don't get mad or frustrated.  Your partner is doing their job.  Don't make excuses.  Don't take your partners moment away from them either.  Tell them "good job", own your mistakes and try to fix them!  If you are an upper belt or an instructor, and you get caught by one of your lower ranking teammates or students, that only means that you have done a good job helping to convey Jiu-jitsu to them!  Jiu-jitsu works, and it is a credit to your ability as a mentor or instructor when your students start to give you a hard time.  Plus, it keeps you on your toes, and should keep you hungry to continue to improve yourself as well!

Now, let's look at the other side of the coin.  Learning how to deal with getting tapped is one thing.  Learning how to deal with "winning" in training is another.  Get the tap, and move on.  It's that simple.  Don't offer your partner unsolicited advise.  Remember what its like to be on the other side of that equation.  Nobody likes to be forced to tap.  Don't celebrate your victory.  Don't hold onto it or talk about it outside of training.  You were able to submit your opponent.  Good job.  Now, move on.  Sometimes, you may have legitimately earned that "victory"....however, often times, lower belts may not even realize that their higher ranked training partners may be letting them work, giving them space to get into positions, or may be working on a new position or technique themselves that they are not yet comfortable with.  Sometimes it is hard to tell if you are the lower rank, when the upper belts are taking it easy on you and letting you work.  This is what a good upper belt should be doing MOST of the time when working with a newer training partner.  Just moving with them and giving them just enough resistance to make the training session productive for both people.  Jiu-jitsu is learned through movement.  Giving full resistance all the time often leads to spending the entire round stuck in one position with very little movement.  A little give and take is often much more productive.  Don't get me wrong.  There are times when we must push on each other and go hard.  We need to push our gas tank, work on developing our mental toughness, and push through the times when we may want to just quit.  But these hard rolls should be the exception, rather than the rule.

Just because you can simply dominate your training partner doesn't mean you should.  Usually, this isn't very productive for either person.  If you're working with a less experience training partner, try to give them just the right amount of resistance for them to understand the movement, without always trying to shut it out completely.  For example, if you teach someone how to do a scissor sweep, and then when they attempt it in sparring, you just completely shut it down and don't give them the chance to apply it successfully, all you're doing is taking away their confidence in the move.  Of course nothing works every time, but students need to see that the move does work when properly applied.  If you take away their belief in the technique they will never use it consistently enough to really master it so that they can utilize it when someone is fully resisting.  Use a "tiered" system, giving good feedback and gradually increasing the resistance as your training partners get better.

If you are better than your training partner, use it an opportunity to work on your weak areas.  Intentionally put yourself in tough positions, see how deep of a hole you can dig for yourself, and see if you can still recover.  This is very important, because there are people out there who can force you into those uncomfortable positions against your will, and if you haven't spent the necessary time there to sharpen your defensive skills, you will pay for it later.  And guess what, if you really do this, sometimes you won't get out.  Sometimes you will have to tap to that lower belt.  As a black belt, I've been put to sleep....unconscious....on the mat, by a blue belt.  Did they earn it?  Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.  You see that is the point.  It doesn't matter.  Be ok with "loosing", whether you gave the person the position or they legitimately earned it.  Be proud of your training partners accomplishments, even if it means having to sacrifice a little bit of your own ego!   Your job is to make them better so that they, in turn, will make you better!

In short, regardless of which side of the coin you find yourself on, put the tap into the proper context. It really doesn't matter that much in the grand scheme of things.  Tap to keep yourself safe, learn from it and move on.  Don't get mad, frustrated, or upset.  But don't ignore it either.  If you tap your partner, don't celebrate.  Shake hands and move on.  Try to take the winning and loosing out of the training environment, and just focus on learning and getting better and helping your training partners do the same.

Make Your Jiu-jitsu Better TODAY!

We all would like to be better....no matter how long you've been on the mat, it's likely that you wish you were better than you currently are.  Presumably, this is why you continue to show up, day after day, in the never-ending pursuit of improvement.  So what are some tangible steps you can take to see a noticeable improvement in your Jiu-jitsu?  Here's a list of a few things I think may help.  Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, but it's a good place to start.

Show Up
This one should be obvious, but above everything else, this is by far THE MOST IMPORTANT thing that you HAVE to do if you want to improve.  You have to be in class.  Everyone has a life outside of the mat, and yes, things are going to come up sometimes that prevent you from getting in to train.  But, if you're serious about getting better at Jiu-jitsu you have to make it a priority to come to class  consistently.  And, those days where you just don't feel like it are the times that it is even more important to make the effort to show up.  You don't need to be on the mat 5 days/week.  What is more important is that you make your attendance consistent.  If you are a 2 day/week person, make sure that you are there those days.  Make it a regular part of your schedule, just like going to work or school.  If it is an option or something you will do "if you have time", you won't.  Nobody has "free time"....we make time for the things that are important.  And, when life gets in the way and there are legitimate reasons you can't make it in to train, don't stress over it.  It's not the end of the world if you have to take a week off.  Just get back on the mat and get after it.

First On/Last Off
Showing up for class is one thing....but making the most of that time is up to you.  If you really want to get better, take responsibility for your own development.  Make an effort to be the first one on the mat, and the last one off the mat.  Try to squeeze every bit you can out of every training session.  This is especially important if you are only able to train a couple times/week.  You would be amazed how much you can accomplish in the 10 minutes before class starts, or by staying after to drill the move a few more times, or ask your instructor a question about a position you're having trouble with.

Take Notes
Maintaining a notebook is a great way to keep track of what you're working on in class, and help you to remember the details of techniques.  Jiu-jitsu is too big and too complicated, and the magic of Jiu-jitsu is really in the fine details. So, anything  you can do to help you recall what you went over in class is a great benefit.  Keep your notes organized in a way that makes sense to you, and review them from time to time.  Each time you go over a technique, review your notes and see what details you can add that you may have overlooked before.  Just the process of writing down the moves you're working on will help to create connections that will help you to better remember the details of the technique.

Set Personal Goals
Train with a purpose.  Set realistic, tangible, and achievable goals, and take actionable steps to achieve them.  It could be something as simple as improving your cardio conditioning, cleaning up your diet, or really trying to figure out that sweep you've been struggling with.  Write your goals down, and hold yourself accountable.  Maybe your overall goal is to one day be a black belt in Jiu-jitsu.  That's great!  However, it's too big.  You need to break your bigger goals down into more easily achievable steps, so you can really see the progress you are making.  But, you should always be actively working on something.  No matter how long you're on the mat, EVERYONE has things that they can improve on.

Work on Your Weak Areas
Your training sessions should be focused on improving, not on "winning".  Remember, there really is no "winning" in the academy anyway.  It's always fun and easy to do what we already do well.  What is more difficult, and more important, is to focus your time and energy on the areas that you don't feel as comfortable with.  But, that is the only way to improve on those weak areas.  If you're focused on "winning", you're likely only doing positions that you already like, are already confident in, and that are your "go-to" moves.  Force yourself into the spots where you are uncomfortable, and really explore the positions that you don't like so much.  If you do this consistently, you will likely find that these weak areas will become your strong areas!

Don't Be Afraid to Fail
Nobody has gotten good at Jiu-jitsu without failing....a lot!  We learn through failure.  So, when a position doesn't work like you anticipate, when you tap, when you end up in a bad spot, recognize the mistake, and take it as a learning opportunity.  It simply means that there is something a little off and you have room for improvement.  Don't get frustrated, but pay attention to the mistakes, as they are very valuable.  Try to pinpoint why the move didn't work or why you got caught, and take the opportunity to fix it!  Failure is not a bad thing, as it is ultimately the recipe for success.  However, don't be content to make the same mistakes over and over again, without addressing it.  If you don't know, ASK!

Ask Questions
Most likely, when your instructor finishes explaining a position, or maybe at the end of the class, they will ask if there are any questions.  This is usually met with an awkward silence as the students kind of just look around at each other.  Asking relevant questions at appropriate times is extremely valuable, not only for you, but also for others in the class.  Chances are, someone else has the same question, but they were afraid to ask.  It is ok to admit that you don't know or don't understand something.  It is way better to risk looking ignorant, than to continue to let the question go unanswered.  Remember, being ignorant about a position or detail simply means that you haven't acquired the information yet.  It is not a bad thing.  Be honest with yourself and if you don't understand something ASK!  Now, having said that, please DON'T be the person who asks about endless "what if" scenarios or questions about unrelated positions, or asks a bunch of questions about a position before even trying it.  Do it first, to the best of your ability, and you may even answer your own question.  It's ok to screw it up, that's how you learn.  After you have drilled the position, if you still don't understand, then ask the question.  Trust me, your instructor loves questions!

Attention to Detail
As mentioned previously, the real magic of Jiu-jitsu lies in the details!  As you are drilling your techniques in class, try to be hyper-vigilant about drilling the move exactly the way your instructor showed it, really trying to soak in all the details of the position.  Don't just go through the motions.  Really try to pull the position apart, and analyze each part of the movement, trying to make your movement as smooth and clean as possible.  Pay attention to your posture, balance, your entry points, and your positioning relative to your opponent.  You will find that if you really pay attention to the details, your understanding of the moves, even the ones that you think you know well, will continue to evolve and grow deeper.  One of the coolest things in Jiu-jitsu is "re-learning" a technique that you may have done for years, with a little different perspective.

Drill
You've probably heard the expression "drillers make killers".  There is a lot of truth to that!  You may have also heard "practice makes perfect"....that is ALMOST true.  PERFECT practice makes perfect. The only way to develop your technique to develop a conditioned, automatic, reflexive response that you can replicate even under stress or pressure is through repetition.  So drilling is very important.  But drilling with a high degree of focus and attention to detail is necessary, so as not to build bad habits.  The purpose of drilling is not to learn techniques.  Rather, it is to engrain the techniques that you already know well to develop an automatic, conditioned response; to develop reflex so that these techniques flow smoothly and seamlessly, without conscious thought.  Take one position that you are working on, and just get reps.  And, you don't have to devote a huge amount of time to make a difference.  You'd be amazed what you can accomplish with 10 minutes of focused effort.

Focus on Fundamentals
Jiu-jitsu is big.  There's too much to learn.  So you have to break it down into small, manageable parts.  Sometimes, the process of learning Jiu-jitsu can be overwhelming, especially in the beginning. There is so much more access to information these days with books, instructional dvd's, Youtube, etc. It is hard to know what to focus on. My advice is, focus on developing solid fundamentals.  Everything is build around the basics.  You can't understand the more complex positions, without a solid foundation in the fundamentals.  The fundamentals are time-tested & proven, and they are what you will fall back on under stress.  Learn them, practice them, try to apply them in training.  These are the techniques you will work on as long as you are on the mat, so embrace them & really try to pull them apart and understand them at a deeper level.

Look for Concepts
The longer you train, the more you will start to recognize similarities in positions that often, at first, seem like completely divergent ideas.  The details of the specific techniques are important.  But, the techniques are really only a guide to teach you the concepts.  There are only so many ways to move and manipulate the human body.  If you strive to understand things at a a more conceptual level, you will start to tie things together and fill in the gaps.  The specific techniques teach you the concepts.  The concepts apply across the board.  And the better you understand the specific details of the techniques, the more you will start to see the bigger picture, and things will start to make more sense.

Make the Most of Training Time
Most of us don't have the luxury of being on the mat every single day.  As much as we may want to, we all have other responsibilities off the mat.  So, if you're only able to train a couple times a week, it is vitally important that you make the most of those precious hours you have on the mat.  Jiu-jitsu is a great way to escape from the stresses of everyday life.  So, try not to bring those things into the academy.  Come through the door ready to focus on learning Jiu-jitsu for that hour or two that you are there.  Pay attention in class; really listen.  Try to pick up on every detail that your instructor is explaining.  And utilize the time you have to get as many quality reps of whatever you are working on.  Don't stand around idly waiting for your instructor to show the next move.  Don't do the move until you get it right; Do it until you can't get it wrong!  Don't waste time with unnecessary talking.  Of course, the social aspect of training is very important, and you should be having fun when you train.  You can socialize after class.  But, when it's time to train, train with a purpose.  Just being physically present isn't enough.  If you want to see real progress, it is on you to make the most of every moment on the mat.

Spar
Live training is one of the MOST important aspects of learning Jiu-jitsu.  It is where you really start to understand the timing, sensitivity, and feel for the techniques.  Training with a live partner under resistance is one of the primary things that makes Jiu-jitsu such an effective self defense art.  There is no way around it.  If you're not sparring, you're not really learning Jiu-jitsu.  If you're new, start slow. Once you're able to start sparring, work with the more experienced students who can guide you and give you just the right amount of resistance in the beginning.  Sparring doesn't mean you have to be going at 100% all out effort.  In fact, this should not be the case most of the time.  But you need to get the feel of live movement with some level of resistance.  The pace and resistance can be adjusted as you have more experience.  Be okay with "losing" in training (because really it's just learning), tap early and often, and try not to over exert yourself.  Breathe, relax, and try to focus on making every movement matter.  Efficiency is the key!  Most of all, have fun!  Often new students are very reluctant when it comes to live training.  You can focus on simple, specific positional sparring at first until you feel more comfortable.  You will likely find, after some time on the mat, that sparring is one of the most fun parts of training!

One More Round
An important part of training Jiu-jitsu is learning to push past your comfort zone, and to be able to relax, and be comfortable in uncomfortable situations.  Physical conditioning is an important aspect of being able to effectively defend yourself, and one of the best ways to improve your conditioning is through sparring.  Everyone reaches the point eventually where they feel completely exhausted, and they're just done.  When you get to that point, try to do one more round.  You don't have to go fast, or hard, just try to survive.  You get the most benefit, from a conditioning standpoint, when you're pushing past your perceived limit, and you're also conditioning yourself mentally to not give up when you're tired.  It's a good idea to train when you're physically tired also, because it forces you to use better technique, because you don't have the physical capactiy to use brute force to get the job done.  Just try to make yourself do one more round.  You will find soon that you're able to relax more under pressure, and you will be able to do multiple rounds without exhausting so quickly.  Remember, if you can't fight when you're tired, then you can't fight!

Trust
Trust in the process of learning Jiu-jitsu.  It's not easy.  It takes a long time to get "good".  You will struggle.  You will get frustrated.  Just keep going.  The only way you can fail is if you quit.  All of the upper belts that you look up to were once beginners who were just as incompetent and confused as you may feel that you are.  Just keep showing up.  It does get easier and it does make more sense.  Trust in your instructor.  You may not understand the "why" of what they are telling you right now, but if you stick with it, it will make more sense later.  They have your best interest at heart.  So, especially in the beginning, you don't need to understand why.  Just trust.  Also, trust in yourself.  Have the confidence to try, be willing to take the chance to fail, and learn from it.  You're not as bad as you may think you are.  Do you have room for improvement? Yes, absolutely, we all do, no matter how long you do this.  But just trust in yourself, your teammates, your instructor, and trust in Jiu-jitsu!

Don't Be Satisfied
There is no finish line in Jiu-jitsu.  You can always get better.  Just as I said you're not as bad as you think, you're also not as good as you think either!  There is someone out there who is better, and no matter how long you do this, there is likely someone who can make you feel like a complete beginner on the mat.  Stay engaged, always be working towards your next goal, and stay hungry to improve.  Don't become complacent and assume you're "good enough".  Try to become a better version of yourself every single day, and the long term rewards will be immense.  Train for you, and keep pushing forward!