If you're a Jiu-jitsu parent, I can almost guarantee that there will come a point at some time in your child's training, probably on more than one occasion, that you will hear, "I'm bored", "class is too hard", "I don't like sparring", "I don't like 'so & so' in the class", "I want to quit"....
How you handle this moment as a parent will be crucial to your child's long-term development, not only on the mat, but in life! First, let me reassure you that this is VERY normal, particularly after the first couple of months of training, once the shiny newness starts to wear off. I don't know too many Jiu-jitsu black belts that haven't, at one time or another in their journey, considered quitting....but I'm very confident that ALL of them would also tell you today how happy they are that they didn't quit! Jiu-jitsu, as most things worthwhile in life, is hard! It takes a lot of dedication, and perseverance. However, the rewards for long-term training are priceless!
Jiu-jitsu is not simply another seasonal sport, hobby, or activity. I view it as an essential life skill! Very much like learning to swim, it is necessary for a child's physical capacity to survive, in this chaotic and sometimes violent world. Statistics show that MOST children, at some point in their early lives, will be involved in a confrontation, often with a larger, stronger adversary. Often times, the confrontations can become physical & violent. We all want our kids to stand up for themselves...but they need to be equipped with the necessary tools and strategies to know how to do that. Without a doubt, Jiu-jitsu gives them the BEST skill set to have the physical capacity to effectively defend themselves if necessary, as well as the confidence that goes along with it, which often helps them to avoid a physical fight in the first place. In addition, it helps kids to learn to set & achieve goals, helps them to develop positive character traits & healthy lifestyle habits, enhances their physical fitness, teaches them to stay calm and solve problems under pressure, helps them to learn to deal with adversity, and develops physical & mental toughness--all very important traits that will serve them well throughout life! And the beauty is, while it does take consistency & commitment, all of this can be achieved in only a couple of hours each week.
So how do you deal with the days when they don't feel like going to class? I imagine that there may be some days when they don't feel like going to school also right? What do you tell them then? If you believe, as I do, that training Jiu-jitsu is critically important for their long-term overall development, then I would encourage you to have a conversation with them to help them understand the importance of what they're doing for the future and help them to see some of the long term benefits of continued training. It's a good time to also emphasize the importance of commitment. Teaching them not to just quit at the first sign of distraction or when things get a little bit tough will help to give them a sense of persistence & dedication towards reaching their goals, which will set them apart from their peers and help them to be more successful at everything they do in life! Once they understand that, like school, this is important for their overall development and success in life, and therefore it's not optional, there is usually less of a fight about going to class. And I promise you, one day, they will thank you for not letting them quit!
I would like to share with you a quote that I posted recently from my good friend and instructor Crosley Gracie, as he says it probably better than I can:
"As parents, we are 100% responsible for the options our kids are exposed to growing up, from nutrition to hobbies to obligations and responsibilities. When parents say they wish their kids had stuck with training Jiu-jitsu, the obvious question is "but why did you let them quit?
It has nothing to do with 'forcing them to do something they don't want to do'.....Allowing them to make decisions that they aren't yet educated to understand what's beneficial to them and what is not is the problem here. That's when we come in as the more educated figures in the household. It doesn't matter if they don't understand why they must do something; what matters is that WE do and are looking out for their benefit. Often that means, 'yes, you are going to do this (or not going to do this), regardless of your feelings, because it is what's best for you, and one day, you'll understand why.
Responsible parenting is making the right choices for our children, enforcing them consistently, and leading by example, regardless of how they'll feel towards us at the moment, for a greater, long-term result."
-Crosley Gracie
Usually, the kids always have a great time when they're on the mat. The struggle is just getting them through the door. If you're still running into resistance, here's a link to another article that will give you some helpful strategies for dealing with this situation:
"But Dad, I Don't Want to Go to Jiu-jitsu!"
Finally, here's a short video, made by some good friends of mine, the Valente brothers, who run a very well known academy in Miami on exactly this topic. Hopefully you will find it helpful:
Getting your child into Jiu-jitsu, and keeping them attending consistently is, in my opinion, one of the greatest gifts you can give them for their overall long-term development, and set them up for success in life. It takes time, effort, and financial commitment, but you are investing in your child's future. The rewards for long-term, consistent training are life changing and infinite!
