"I want to quit!"

If you're a Jiu-jitsu parent, I can almost guarantee that there will come a point at some time in your child's training, probably on more than one occasion, that you will hear, "I'm bored", "class is too hard", "I don't like sparring", "I don't like 'so & so' in the class", "I want to quit"....

How you handle this moment as a parent will be crucial to your child's long-term development, not only on the mat, but in life! First, let me reassure you that this is VERY normal, particularly after the first couple of months of training, once the shiny newness starts to wear off.  I don't know too many Jiu-jitsu black belts that haven't, at one time or another in their journey, considered quitting....but I'm very confident that ALL of them would also tell you today how happy they are that they didn't quit!  Jiu-jitsu, as most things worthwhile in life, is hard!  It takes a lot of dedication, and perseverance.  However, the rewards for long-term training are priceless!  

Jiu-jitsu is not simply another seasonal sport, hobby, or activity.  I view it as an essential life skill! Very much like learning to swim, it is necessary for a child's physical capacity to survive, in this chaotic and sometimes violent world.  Statistics show that MOST children, at some point in their early lives, will be involved in a confrontation, often with a larger, stronger adversary.  Often times, the confrontations can become physical & violent.  We all want our kids to stand up for themselves...but they need to be equipped with the necessary tools and strategies to know how to do that.  Without a doubt, Jiu-jitsu gives them the BEST skill set to have the physical capacity to effectively defend themselves if necessary, as well as the confidence that goes along with it, which often helps them to avoid a physical fight in the first place.  In addition, it helps kids to learn to set & achieve goals, helps them to develop positive character traits & healthy lifestyle habits, enhances their physical fitness, teaches them to stay calm and solve problems under pressure, helps them to learn to deal with adversity, and develops physical & mental toughness--all very important traits that will serve them well throughout life! And the beauty is, while it does take consistency & commitment, all of this can be achieved in only a couple of hours each week.

So how do you deal with the days when they don't feel like going to class?  I imagine that there may be some days when they don't feel like going to school also right?  What do you tell them then? If you believe, as I do, that training Jiu-jitsu is critically important for their long-term overall development, then I would encourage you to have a conversation with them to help them understand the importance of what they're doing for the future and help them to see some of the long term benefits of continued training.  It's a good time to also emphasize the importance of commitment.  Teaching them not to just quit at the first sign of distraction or when things get a little bit tough will help to give them a sense of persistence & dedication towards reaching their goals, which will set them apart from their peers and help them to be more successful at everything they do in life!  Once they understand that, like school, this is important for their overall development and success in life, and therefore it's not optional, there is usually less of a fight about going to class.  And I promise you, one day, they will thank you for not letting them quit!

I would like to share with you a quote that I posted recently from my good friend and instructor Crosley Gracie, as he says it probably better than I can:

"As parents, we are 100% responsible for the options our kids are exposed to growing up, from nutrition to hobbies to obligations and responsibilities. When parents say they wish their kids had stuck with training Jiu-jitsu, the obvious question is "but why did you let them quit?

It has nothing to do with 'forcing them to do something they don't want to do'.....Allowing them to make decisions that they aren't yet educated to understand what's beneficial to them and what is not is the problem here. That's when we come in as the more educated figures in the household. It doesn't matter if they don't understand why they must do something; what matters is that WE do and are looking out for their benefit. Often that means, 'yes, you are going to do this (or not going to do this), regardless of your feelings, because it is what's best for you, and one day, you'll understand why.

Responsible parenting is making the right choices for our children, enforcing them consistently, and leading by example, regardless of how they'll feel towards us at the moment, for a greater, long-term result."

-Crosley Gracie

Usually, the kids always have a great time when they're on the mat.  The struggle is just getting them through the door.  If you're still running into resistance, here's a link to another article that will give you some helpful strategies for dealing with this situation:

"But Dad, I Don't Want to Go to Jiu-jitsu!"

Finally, here's a short video, made by some good friends of mine, the Valente brothers, who run a very well known academy in Miami on exactly this topic.  Hopefully you will find it helpful:

"Jiu-jitsu Moms & Dads"

Getting your child into Jiu-jitsu, and keeping them attending consistently is, in my opinion, one of the greatest gifts you can give them for their overall long-term development, and set them up for success in life.  It takes time, effort, and financial commitment, but you are investing in your child's future.  The rewards for long-term, consistent training are life changing and infinite!

 

So, You Wanna Be a Black Belt?

So, you wanna be a black belt?  Or maybe you haven't even really thought about it?  Maybe you just started training, and you're just trying to wrap your head around the new guard pass you just learned, or how to stand up in base, and trying to make it all make sense.  Black belt is so far away it's not even realistically on your radar yet....but why not?  You're gonna be somewhere 10 years from now...why not be a black belt in Jiu-jitsu?  

If you're just starting on the path, yes, black belt is a long way away.  But it is definitely achievable.  So, if you're serious about your Jiu-jitsu training, make it a goal.  It is a long term goal for sure, but it should be a goal.  So how do you get there?  The very first step is to commit to it.  Set the goal, write it down if you have to, and decide TODAY that you will achieve it.  The timeline doesn't matter.  It may take you 10 years, it may take you 25 years.  Don't get too hung up on the details.  Life is still gonna happen.  Things are going to come up that may interfere from you training as consistently as you want.  There may be things that pull you away from the mat temporarily.  Try to avoid extended breaks, but just make sure you make it back to the mat as soon as possible when these things inevitably happen.  Pace yourself.  It's YOUR journey, not anyone else's.  But the biggest thing you have to do is commit to yourself that you're gonna stick with it and achieve that goal.  And if you truly believe in it and commit yourself to it, you absolutely can accomplish it.  It is a long road, but like any journey you take it one step at a time.  Your progress may seem slow or even non-existent at times.  Stick with it.  You are learning, you are improving, you are getting better, even on the days you don't think so.  Show up, even on the days you don't feel like it.....ESPECIALLY on those days.  You're gonna have good days and bad days on the mat.  Everyone does.  That's the nature of Jiu-jitsu.   But if you want to get to black belt, the one thing you CAN'T do is quit....and MOST people quit, long before then.  Jiu-jitsu is hard, and to get to that level takes a very long time, and a lot of commitment, dedication, and discipline.  That's why there aren't that many black belts.  So decide for yourself TODAY, and make the commitment that you will still be standing there after many of your former teammates have long since given up on their Jiu-jitsu journey.   

So, if you want to be a black belt, what then, IS a black belt?  What does it really mean to be a black belt in Jiu-jitsu.  It has often been said, a black belt is just a white belt that never stopped training.  There is a lot of truth to that statement.  If you just keep showing up, eventually, slowly, over time, the belt colors change, and one day if you stick with it, you will see that black belt wrapped around your waist.  Realistically, it's hard to really understand what it really means until you've worn it for a while.  Helio Gracie said that black belt is the best place to start learning Jiu-jitsu!  What???  Just start learning???  Yep....most definitely! I've been a black belt for over a decade now, and I can confidently say that I have learned more about Jiu-jitsu since earning my black belt than I did in all of my time at the lower ranks.  Obviously, there is a certain objective level of skill that goes with being awarded the black belt.  But, essentially, black belt just means that you're now a serious student.  You've made a commitment to Jiu-jitsu, not just as something that you do, but it is now part of who you are.  You have decided to embrace Jiu-jitsu as part of your lifestyle.  That means committing yourself not only to consistently training and improving yourself on the mat, but also striving to improve yourself in ALL aspects of your life off of the mat as well.  As a black belt, you are now a representative of Jiu-jitsu, of your academy, of your instructor, of your team....but most importantly, you represent YOURSELF.   Have the humility to know that you don't know it all, you can still learn from everyone, and embrace the opportunity to constantly continue to challenge yourself and look for ways to improve in every aspect of your life....from your diet, your exercise routine, your Jiu-jitsu training, your work, your personal relationships with your family and friends, and how you treat others and interact with the world around you.  Be a black belt at LIFE!

Black belt certainly doesn't mean you've arrived, that you know everything, that you'll never tap again, that you'll "win" every round on the mat.  Quite the contrary.  As with many things in life, the more you learn, the more you realize how much you don't know.  Black belt is the time to take the opportunity to re-learn all of the things you learned at the lower ranks, but at a much deeper level of understanding.  The best part about black belt is, you no longer have to worry about promotions, so you can really just focus on training and learning.  

It has been said, the black belts are not who's best, but who's left.  So, the question to ask yourself is, will you be one of those few that are left?  It's up to you.  It is your choice.  But you can decide today, and if you commit to it, you surely can be!