If you've trained Jiu-jitsu for any significant amount of time, you've seen some of your training partners come and go. Often, people who were regulars on the mat, seem to start showing up less and less, and then may eventually fade away completely. This is a very common phenomenon in almost every Jiu-jitsu academy all over the world. So, it begs the question, why do so many people quit training, and what can you do to make sure that you don't become one of those statistics?
One of the reason many people quit training is because they don't properly manage their expectations. Maybe you heard about the effectiveness of Jiu-jitsu as a self-defense system for the average person. Maybe you even saw some videos online, or watched some fights in the UFC and saw for yourself firsthand how a skilled Jiu-jitsu practitioner can easily dismantle their opponent, and you thought, "I need to learn how to do that!". You came into the academy, put on a gi, and did a few introductory classes. Maybe you were a natural athlete all your life and just assumed, this is something you'd be good at. Maybe you're in good shape, tough physically and mentally, and as you sized up the other "average looking" people in the class secretly thought to yourself, "I got this...I think I can handle these guys". But then, you found yourself getting dragged around the mat by someone half your size, completely helpless! Your expectations didn't meet with reality. You could get frustrated, and decide, maybe this is not for you after all. This would be one way to deal with it. We call that the easy way. Basically, denial. But there is another way; you swallow your pride, recognize that your expectations were not based on reality, but were based mostly on ego, and get back on the mat, and commit yourself to learning the art!
Maybe you've made it through those first few months of training. But life gets busy. You started this journey because you were really committed to learning the gentle art, but now, due to your busy work schedule and family obligations, you just aren't able to train more than once or twice a week. You see your teammates, who started training about the same time as you, consistently making progress, When you spar, they seem to have suddenly bypassed you in skill level and are much better than you on the mat. You think you really should have been better by now. Your expectations don't meet with the reality of the situation. How do you deal with that? You could stop showing up, make excuses about how much you really want to train, but you just don't have time (the reality is nobody has free time-we make time for the things that are important). You could walk away from the mat...but always in the back of your mind, you think about what could have been. Maybe years later, when you run into your old training partner you started with, who is now a brown belt, you think that could've been you, and you promise yourself you will return to training "one day".
OR...you could accept that you are where you are. Yeah, life gets in the way sometimes. You may not be able to train as much as you would ideally like to. But, training once a week is better than not at all. And you look for ways to improve your time management to allow you to get a little more mat time. Usually, where there's a will, there's a way. Don't put excess pressure or expectations on yourself. Just accept that you are where you are, and understand that when you come in and train, you ARE getting better, whether you realize it or not.
Maybe when you're in class, you really try to pay attention to every detail as the instructor explains the technique. But then, when it's time to drill, you just can't seem to get it. You get frustrated because your a smart person, and it doesn't seem like it should be that complicated, but you just can't get the move. It must be that this just isn't a good move for you. Maybe the instructor just didn't explain it right. I mean, you did attempt it with your partner AT LEAST twice, before throwing your hands up in exasperation (of course it didn't help that your training partner-who also doesn't understand the technique was providing you with full resistance the entire time as you attempted to replicate what your instructor showed). You get frustrated and resign yourself to the fact that you just don't "get" Jiu-jitsu, maybe it's not for you...
OR...you could recognize that your expectation, that you will understand the technique right away and be able to replicate it with the same smoothness as someone who has been on the mat many years more than you, is not in line with reality. Jiu-jitsu is hard, and learning it is a process. It takes time. Trust me, your instructor, or that upper belt that you are emulating went through the same learning process and the same struggles as you did. Everyone was once a white belt. And.....even though you may not see it, they are STILL struggling with things too! Learning Jiu-jitsu is a never-ending process. There is no finish line. There is no point where you will understand it all and execute it flawlessly. Just enjoy the process, ask questions, do your best to understand the move, and try to apply it in live training. Trial and error is a big part of the process. Don't get frustrated if you don't understand something right away. You just may not be ready for it yet, but trust in the process, and rest assured that down the road, if you just keep training, it will eventually click!
Maybe when it's time to spar, you feel that little nervousness in the pit of your stomach as you get on the mat. Even though you know that all of these people, your friends and teammates, don't have any bad intentions and aren't really going to hurt you, you still have a little anxiety at the thought of being taken down and put into a position from which you can't escape. You shake hands with your training partner, and quickly find yourself in a bad spot....things are not going as planned. You really expected to pull off that sweep you've been working on all week, but now you find yourself on your back, looking up at the lights, with all of your partners body weight on you. You can barely breathe....you struggle in every direction to escape, but it just seems to be getting worse the more you move. Now you're exhausted, and now your partner catches your arm in a tight submission hold. You really don't want to tap. After all, everyone in the whole academy is watching (probably not really, but that is your perception). You wait till the last possible moment, and fortunately, your smarter side kicks in just in time to make you tap the mat to avoid getting seriously injured. Maybe you waited a little too late, and tweaked your elbow a little bit. You jump up, frustrated and angry, and storm off the mat. This whole Jiu-jitsu thing just isn't working out....
OR....you could get caught in the submission, and recognize that the tap signifies a learning opportunity....maybe you made a mistake, or maybe your partner just has more experience in the position than you do. In either case, it's something you can work on and try to fix in the future. You shake your partner's hand, say "nice job" and then (at the appropriate time) ask them how they caught you and what you may be able to do to avoid being caught like that in the future. You recognize that Jiu-jitsu is learned through failure. You understand that nobody got good at Jiu-jitsu without tapping.....a lot!!! You make sure that you tap in time to avoid injury so that you can train tomorrow. You shake hands a go again.
Maybe it's promotion time. You stand in line with all of your teammates, anxiously awaiting your name to be called for your next stripe or belt promotion. After all, you've been showing up, you work hard in class....surely, your instructor has noticed your efforts and will reward you accordingly. As you see your teammates get called up one by one, and your name isn't called, you just assume that your instructor is saving the best for last. But then, suddenly, the promotions are over. There must be some mistake....surely he just somehow forgot to call your name. After all, you deserve it right? Probably not. Your expectation of what level you should be at isn't meeting the reality of your instructor's assessment. Again, there are several ways to handle this. You could protest, openly question your instructor directly....or maybe you prefer to just talk behind their back to your friends, family, or fellow students about how you really deserved to have been promoted. You could get mad. You could try to "prove" your worthiness by taking it out on your training partners in the next round of sparring. You could leave, go and find another academy where you know the instructor will quickly promote you to the rank that you know deep down inside you really deserve.
OR...you could trust your instructor. After all, they've been doing this a long time, and they see you on the mat everyday. They are well aware of not only your abilities, but your potential. They also know if you've been showing up consistently and what you do when you're there. They've seen many students come and go through the ranks and believe it or not they DO have your best interest in mind. The fact that they may be holding you to a higher standard than what your expectations led you to believe is in fact a compliment. It means they understand that you have the potential to be better than you are. They want you to be successful, and they are looking at the big picture, the long term, not just the next belt or stripe. They understand, through experience, that promoting someone before they are ready could ultimately be a recipe for disaster that could lead you to stop training altogether because you can't yet live up to the expectation of the next rank. You recognize that the belts are not the reason for training, and are merely markers along the way of your progress. You could have a discussion with your instructor in a constructive manner, with an open mind, to see what they think you need to do to reach the next level.
The bottom line is, manage your expectations, don't let them manage you! No matter how long you train, you will always want to be better than you currently are. And if you just keep training, you WILL get better. Enjoy the process, understand that learning Jiu-jitsu is a marathon, not a sprint. And just go with the flow. Dedicate yourself to doing the best that you can and making the most of your time every time you're on the mat, and understand that wherever you are in the process, that is where you are. Don't let yourself get frustrated with the ups and downs of training. Just keep showing up, get on the mat, and trust in the process! Most importantly, don't forget to enjoy training! That is why you started in the first place!
